The Doctor And The Detective
by So many taken usernames
Summary: They both know unbearable pain, anger, guilt, and loss. But they bear it. For one, the pain is his entire being. For the other, the pain is his punishment. They are old. They are tired. They are madmen. But they are also legends. And the universe needs legends to defend it from those who would destroy it.
1. Geronimo!

The TARDIS spun around in the air, flying hopelessly out of control. The Doctor pulled levers and pushed buttons, but it did absolutely nothing. The TARDIS didn't want to cooperate.

"Don't do this to me now! Come on, sexy!" He shouted. He was pulling and pushing so many things that not even he knew what he was doing. By now, he was just pushing and pulling at random, hoping something would happen. Nothing did. The TARDIS wheezed and moaned, making the ever-familiar noise that the Doctor and his companions knew so well. He lunged for a switch, but the TARDIS lurched sidways and he fell onto the railing, getting the wind knocked out of him. He staggered around, trying to orient himself. However, between being winded and disoriented, he wasn't having any luck. He fell into one of the control panels and a myriad of buttons were pushed on impact. Still, nothing happened. Suddenly, he flew back. The TARDIS landed, and he was left lying on his stomach.

"Ow...ow ow ow...now let's see where we are, shall we?" He said, getting up as if he'd never fallen. He opened the door and found himself staring at a dirty, graffiti-covered building. He looked around and held his finger to the air.

"Ireland. Wait, no. Wait, yes. Ireland, but not Ireland. Ah-ha, I get it! Alternate Ireland! In a whole new reality, a whole new timeline. But something's wrong. Something feels off...this was so much more fun when I had someone around to look amazed and tell me I'm not making any sense. I mean, I could play both sides of the conversation, but I'm not really amazed. Well, I am, but not really...I think I'll stop talking," the Doctor muttered to himself. He took out his sonic screwdriver and waved it around. When he stopped waving it, for claw-like attachments on the sides of the green light popped open like a flower bud. And that's when it hit him.

"This isn't possible. I've only heard stories...but they should have been just that. Only stories."

"About what?" A voice asked. The Doctor whirled to see a girl whose jacket was even blacker than the night sky.

"Who are you?"

"Valkyrie Cain."

"That's not your real name, is it?"

"I can't tell you my real name. You know that." The Doctor looked puzzled.

"No I don't. I have absolutely no idea how this world works. Could you tell me?"

"Wait...are you new to magic or something? Because when someone falls from the sky in a blue box, it's very likely they can use magic. In fact, it's the only possible explanation." The Doctor laughed, and Valkyrie's wary gaze grew even more suspicious.

"Magic? No, magic is only one of the possibilities, only one of the realities. In the reality I come from, there is no magic. It's not possible," the Doctor explained. Valkyrie looked at him like he was crazy. She knew he might be telling the truth, considering the crazy things she'd found out were possible. But she couldn't bring herself to believe he came from an alternate reality.

"I hang out with a talking skeleton and even to me that sounds ridiculous," she said. The Doctor was intrigued.

"Talking skeleton? As in a human skeleton that can talk?"

"He can also walk, and run, and use magic, and do other human stuff."

"Is he even alive?"

"No."

"Was he ever alive?"

"Yes."

"But then he shouldn't be here. He should be dead."

"Skulduggery is weird even by magic standards. And so are you."

"Yes, I suppose so...can I meet this Skulduggery?" Valkyrie wasn't surprised by the question, but she wasn't expecting it.

"Why?"

"Because if you got the chance to see something that shouldn't be there, something that shouldn't exist, something that defies everything you know and believe to be true...wouldn't you take that chance?" Valkyrie wasn't sure she trusted the strange man with the lopsided bowtie. She wasn't sure she wanted to let him meet Skulduggery. In fact, she had half a mind to bring him to the Sanctuary. But that wasn't something Valkyrie Cain would do. The man was right, she'd take the chance. It was a chance she'd been taking for a long time, and it wasn't one she'd stop taking any time soon.

"What's your name?"

"The Doctor."

"Doctor who?"

"Just the Doctor. Or John Smith. But I prefer the Doctor." Valkyrie smiled. To her, it seemed like an odd name to take. Most taken names weren't just one word.

"Well then, Doctor, let's go off to see the wizard. Literally."

* * *

Skulduggery was pouring through the ancient tome. It looked older than anything he'd ever read, even older than books he'd seen about the Faceless Ones. But it had what he needed. It told him what he was up against. But the strangest thing about it was that it had a picture and a message. The picture was a head shot of a man with a bowtie, a tweed jacket, and a head of gaudy hair. The message was only a few words. The words said: 'find the names.' Skulduggery had never seen the man before, but he could guess what the message meant. It was referring to the Book of Names. But Skulduggery knew the message was meaningless. He had destroyed the Book of Names. He was absolutely certain of it. He destroyed the book, and Nefarian Serpine along with it. He took out the picture and message, putting them next to him. However, it was at the moment that he saw a man he didn't think he'd ever see again. He saw the man from the picture, being led into the library by Valkyrie Cain, his apprentice of sorts. Apparently, they had gotten past China without much incident.

"Hey, Skulduggery. This guy says he comes from an alternate universe in a box called the TARDIS. Sound like any legend you know?" Valkyrie asked.

"No, but I highly doubt he's telling the truth. I saw this in a book," was the curt reply. The Doctor's eyes widened as he saw the picture of himself and the message. However, what really scared him was the book.

"Impossible...this book is in my library. I was reading it just a day ago! Or was it two days ago? Or do I read it tomorrow? I don't know anymore. What I do know is that this place is amazing! Two impossible things for the price of one!" He shouted with joy, taking time out of his merriment to straighten his bowtie lovingly.

"Hello. I'm Skulduggery Pleasant."

"I'm the Doctor."

"Is that your taken name?"

"Yes, I did take this name upon myself, but I doubt I did it for the reason you think I did."

"Great. So I found your picture in a book and not even you know how it got there. Quite a mystery, don't you think? I'd say its one we should solve together." The Doctor smiled, and if he could, the detective would have smiled back.

"That sounds lovely. But first, could I have your head?" Skulduggery's excitement turned to anger as the Doctor spoke.

"I've lost my head once, I'm not losing it again."

"Ooh, you have! So the head you're wearing isn't your actual head! Then that won't do at all...give me a hand, then. I like hands. They're very useful for holding things."

"If someone wanted to take one of your body parts for something they won't even tell you about, would you really want to comply?"

"Well, it's for science. I just want to figure out how you work. There's your reason, now give me the hand, please."

"Valkyrie, you have my permission to try your new hold on the Doctor here."

"I'm not going to hurt someone because you told me to."

"Well then what good are you?"

"Well, for starters, I keep you from not dying a second time."

"But I repay the favor by not letting you die for a first time, and probably your only time. And not letting someone die for the first time is a lot harder than not letting them die a second time."

"Just shut up and start working on the mystery already. China's looking pretty annoyed over there. You are suppose to be quiet in libraries, after all."

"Yes, you are," she said, walking over to a bemused Doctor. Valkyrie looked like she was struggling for a moment when she laid eyes on China, but the look wore off.

"Sorry. I keep forgetting that human libraries don't work the same as Time Lord libraries." At the mention of the words, Skulduggery perked up.

"The book I was reading mentions Time Lords. It also says something about a war...and Daleks. I assume I pronounced that right."

"Yes, I'm a Time Lord. I look human...well, you all look Time Lord. We came first. I'm not actually human, though. I've got two hearts, for one thing. And I can do cool stuff. Like wear bowties...but that's not a Time Lord exclusive ability, is it?"

"Yeah, because bowties are cool," Valkyrie said sarcastically.

"They are indeed," the Doctor agreed, not picking up on the sarcasm.

"I was being sarcastic."

"Of course you were...no one seems to appreciate a good bowtie when they see one. Of course, I shouldn't expect any less from you lot, seeing as how you all dress...well, not you. You're fine," he said to China. She looked at him with disdain, clearly annoyed that he wasn't affected by her magic.

"She doesn't seem happy with me. Can you tell me why?" The Doctor asked Skulduggery.

"She has the magic power to make any human fall in love with her upon sight. You're clearly not human. I had no doubts ever since you ran past China without stopping. It's clear you weren't human. And the only possible explanation must be that you're one of these...Time Lords." China glared daggers at Skulduggery, but said nothing.

"Yes..." The Doctor said. He and the detective looked at each other, and they felt a strange connection. Skulduggery saw guilt in the Doctor's eyes, and the Doctor knew that Skulduggery understood his pain and sacrifice.

"Could you do me a favor and get out of my library? You're annoying the customers, and some people don't like your silly bowtie," she said to the Doctor, who looked offended.

"These two go around dressing like they're dead and you insult my bowtie? I'll have you know that bowties are quite stylish."

"Wrong. Only Valkyrie dresses like she's dead," Skulduggery said.

"I do? I thought I just liked the color black."

"Well, yes. That's the difference between you and me...besides, of course, my intellectual superiority, suave demeanor, and incredible modesty."

"And what exactly is that one and only difference that you mentioned?" Valkyrie asked, ignoring his egotistical remark.

"I dress like I'm ready to die."

"And what does that mean?"

"It means that I look good so I can go out with style. People only remember the deaths of the best-dressed. A good shirt can make even the most embarrassing of deaths look good. It also helps that I'm naturally attractive."

"You're a skeleton without a bowtie. I think I'm the better-looking one here."

"Are you two just going to show off how big your egos are or are we going to start investigating?"

"China was here a few seconds ago. You do realize we came here to get leads, right?" Skulduggery asked patronizingly. The Doctor laughed.

"Are you two always sidetracked by witty banter like this?" Skulduggery sighed.

"No. Usually my banter is very well-timed."

"Note that he says banter, seeing as how I have all the wit."

"Yes, I suppose my intelligence and charm surpass wittiness."

"You're really confused about the way things work, aren't you?" Valkyrie asked jokingly.

"I'm confused as to why you keep trying to hold your own against my sharp tongue...ah, I miss the days when I could say that by actually using my tongue."

"I'd love to listen to you one-up each other all day, but we've got a mystery to solve. Also, we should probably move the TARDIS from the middle of the street." Valkyrie looked embarrassed.

"I didn't think of that," she muttered.

"Neither did I," the Doctor said reassuringly.

"That makes me feel better," she replied unenthusiastically. Skulduggery chuckled.

"Valkyrie, show him some magic. I'll get the information from China, assuming she's not still miffed about the Doctor."


	2. Odd Magic And A Lovely TARDIS

**IF YOU DON'T LIKE TONS OF BANTER BETWEEN CHARACTERS, THIS MIGHT NOT BE THE STORY FOR YOU. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.**

* * *

"So, Valkyrie. Skulduggery mentioned something about showing me some magic. Exactly what do you plan on doing?" The Doctor asked, excited. The girl sighed.

"What are you, 5? Be patient," she replied. The Doctor straightened his bowtie a few times in anticipation as the two walked to the TARDIS. They found it there, standing proudly and patiently.

"Isn't she a beauty?" The Doctor sighed dreamily. Valkyrie grinned.

"You're like Skulduggery with his Bentley."

"Bentley. Like the car?"

"Yeah, he drives one. He loves it. He even talks to it sometimes," she said.

"I talk to the TARDIS all the time. She just makes wheezing noises, of course, but I get the general idea of what she's saying," the Doctor replied.

"So you're saying she talks back?"

"Oh, yes. I doubt she'd like you, though."

"Why not? I'm loads of fun. Oodles, even."

"Well, she doesn't like things that...ah, don't register. To her, you're impossible. To her, magic is impossible. That might be why she shut down...or is it? Wait, I think I know. I think I know! And what's more, I know how to get her up and running again!" Valkyrie was startled by his sudden outburst.

"Tell me quickly, because I need to hide this thing."

"The TARDIS is a she," the Doctor said, sounding annoyed.

"Yes, but get back to the part where you said you know how to get her running again."

"Well, you see, the TARDIS has a lot of energy and a lot of different power sources. Right now, all the energy she gets from these sources is being mixed in with the magic energy that this world has. And it must have a lot of magic energy to deactivate her! I suppose that TARDIS energy and magic energy don't really play well together. You know how riptides pull people out to sea?" The Doctor asked. Valkyrie nodded.

"Well, it's absolutely nothing like that. Now, if you were to use some very powerful magic on the TARDIS, the TARDIS energy that was mixed with the magic energy would go back to where it belongs and she'd be working again! Very simple, right? Wrong. We need some very, very powerful people to do this. Skulduggery and that China lady seem strong enough. People around their level should do the trick. Thirty...something of them. Do you know thirty people as strong as Skulduggery?"

"No...but Skulduggery himself might. And how do you know how strong they are?"

"I'm good at guessing. Now, Valkyrie, while I think of a way to have thirty people get the TARDIS functioning, you do your magic...thing. I'd love to see what you can do," the Doctor said. Valkyrie smiled.

"Prepare to be amazed," she said with confidence. She moved her hand up, and then the TARDIS shot into the air.

* * *

"What have you done to her?!" The Doctor wailed. He looked up in the sky and then held his sonic screwdriver up.

"It's falling rather fast. If you don't catch her, I'll be very, very cross. I might not even let you see what she looks like on the inside." Valkyrie looked stunned.

"I can't do that. I'm not good enough. There's no way I should be able to do that! Not even Skulduggery could do that!"

"Worry about that later and catch my TARDIS!" The Doctor scolded. She groaned and lifted her arms up again just as a blue glint appeared in the sky. Air wafted up to the TARDIS and it began to slow down. In fact, within a second, it wasn't moving at all. Valkyrie let her hands drop a little, and the TARDIS fell at an alarmingly fast rate. In a panic, she spread her arms out, and the TARDIS stopped again, this time only inches from the ground. She let her arms fall and the blue box landed on the street with a thump. The Doctor hurried to his beloved time machine and cradled it.

"Did she do anything to hurt you? Are your systems alright? Oh, you can't even answer. Valkyrie, come with me. As a reward for not letting her create a crater in the street, you get to see the marvel that is the TARDIS!"

"I can't wait. Whatever she is, she owes me big for this."

"I'll be sure to tell her to thank you when I get her working again," the Doctor promised. He then ran to the door and opened it, beckoning Valkyrie in. She wasn't sure she'd fit, but was pleasantly surprised to find she could. Well, pleasantly surprised was an understatement. She was absolutely shocked.

"It's bigger on the inside."

"No, she's bigger on the inside. She's also got a pool." Valkyrie's jaw dropped, and her knees grew weak.

"A pool? How big is she?!"

"Very, very big. Us Time Lords really got the hang of bigger on the inside technology. It's quite useful!"

"How big is very, very big?"

"Bigger than Skulduggery's ego."

"That's huge."

"It is indeed. Now, I'm going to check if she's hurt. If she is, I'll hold you personally responsible, seeing as how you are personally responsible."

"That made no sense."

"It will. If it doesn't, that's your punishment."

* * *

Skulduggery held the book and walked up to China.

"How did this book get here?" He asked. She smiled coyly.

"I thought you wanted information on the case."

"I've got all the information I need. I just wanted Valkyrie and the Doctor out of here."

"Why?"

"Because I need to know I can trust the Doctor, and Valkyrie is good at keeping tabs on people." China laughed. It was a pretty laugh that most men would crumble to. However, Skulduggery wasn't most men. Also, he was dead.

"Of course. You don't even trust the people who can relate to you. Typical Skulduggery. Valkyrie thinks you've changed since the war, you know. How naive she is."

"Relate to me?"

"I saw the look on his face. He's got the tired look of an old man who's seen terrible things, and done even worse. He's got your look."

"What, the look of a handsome and witty skeleton detective? Because the last time I checked, he's neither a handsome skeleton, nor a detective."

"He looks hollow," China said, Skulduggery was lucky he had no facial muscles, because he knew China had hit the spot, and he didn't like it.

"Answer my question about the book," he said. China sighed.

"It was just there yesterday. Maybe I didn't see it earlier, maybe someone left it there. I don't know. Whatever it is, I like it." Skulduggery looked at her. She wasn't very helpful.

"Just keep tabs on him, will you?" He said irritably.

"And what will I get in return?"

"The chance to have one of the greatest adventures of your life." China looked doubtful.

"I work for tangible pay, Skulduggery."

"The Doctor probably has something of value, if you're going to be difficult." With that, Skulduggery left to meet Valkyrie and the Doctor. China was left alone.

"He'd better," she muttered.

* * *

Skulduggery found Valkyrie looking very uncomfortable as the Doctor pointed a strange green light at her.

"What are you doing to my assistant?"

"I'm not your assistant."

"I keep her around for laughs."

"I will punch you."

"See? Isn't she a riot?" Skulduggery said calmly, all while walking menacingly towards the Doctor.

"I was scanning her for signs of magic. She's got lots. More than you or I know," he said. Skulduggery stopped walking towards him.

"Now, how about I scan you?" The Doctor said, pointing the device with the green light at the reluctant detective.

"I've never been big on scans. Or having things pointed at me when I don't know what they are. Or even when I do know what they are, really. Basically, I don't like anything being pointed at me, regardless of whether I know what it is or not," Skulduggery said. However, the Doctor wasn't listening.

"This is...you're pure magic. You're absolutely, 100 percent magic. You have nothing else. Nothing," he said in shock.

"I told you I came back from the dead, didn't I? Did you expect to find any sort of...readings indicating my humanity?"

"Well...no. But I didn't expect you to be solely magic-based."

"Yes. I'm fascinating, aren't I? I actually put myself back together. My bones were separated, and I put them back together. Then, I went to have many heroic exploits and do many dangerous things. Once, I tried on a white suit. It really didn't work. Completely ruined the whole mysterious detective vibe I had going on. Still do. I also played fetch using my own arm once. It would have been nice, had I not been playing fetch with a man who thought he was a dog. It was really embarrassing. And I also once managed to get myself shipped to a Halloween decoration store in America. It took quite a while to get back-"

"Skulduggery."

"Yes, Valkyrie?"

"He's not listening," she replied. The Doctor was walking around Skulduggery, doing a full-body examination.

"Why don't people seem to appreciate my lesser-known tales?"

"Probably because they're boring."

"But the last time I tried telling someone about my battle exploits, they vomited and then fainted. If they didn't get all of their sick on my shoes, it would have been very entertaining."

"Maybe you should stop telling stories altogether."

"Nonsense! Besides, they're not stories, they're part of my biography."

"Biography?"

"I was thinking of having Gordon write it, but it would probably revolve too much around him, so I dropped the idea. Perhaps I could get the many criminals I jailed to all pitch in and write it. They could get 10 percent of the cut, and it would be interesting to read all of the death threats I've earned. Or I could write it. After all, only I could do myself justice. I'm quite amazing, you know."

"Sometimes, I wish I had other friends."

"You don't mean that."

"Tanith doesn't talk about herself all the time."

"She's also not stunningly handsome and witty."

"You just proved my point."

"No I didn't. Did I? It's rather hard to concentrate while the Doctor is sniffing me like a dog."

"Hello! Just preforming some gendankenexperiments. Ah, how I love that word!"

"Can we just get going on this mystery thing, or do I have to set something on fire?" Valkyrie said. Skulduggery coughed.

"Yes, good idea. Doctor, come with us. I know a man who can give us information we might find useful."


	3. Sensitive Information

The Bentley sped through the streets with purpose as Skulduggery drove calmly. He patted the wheel lovingly before turning to the Doctor, who was looking out the window.

"So, Doctor. What exactly are Daleks?" At the mention of the name, the mysterious bowtie-wearing man's look of wonder turned sour.

"The Daleks are the most evil race of beings the universe has ever known. They worship hatred and believe themselves to be above all others. But why were you reading about Daleks?"

"Because I think they're behind a recent string of murders."

"They kill people stealthily?" The Doctor asked.

"Apparently. No one's ever seen one, but the victims look like those I saw in the book. Completely vaporized."

"It's weird, looking at a crime scene with no blood," Valkyrie commented.

"Yes, Daleks do tend to vaporize things..." Skulduggery pondered this before asking another Dalek-related question.

"Do they have any weaknesses?" The Doctor smiled at this.

"They don't do well with high or cold temperatures. Valkyrie mentioned that both you and herself can control elements."

"Well, it's not really control."

"But it might be now. The TARDIS energy that's mixing with the magic energy is strengthening your powers, enabling you to do things you normally couldn't." Skulduggery and Valkyrie had already been told this, and were pleased by the news. It was a helpful advantage.

"So, about this magic. Is Elemental the only magic there is?" The Doctor asked, eager to change the subject from the Daleks. Valkyrie shook her head.

"There's also Adepts. They aren't restricted in the same way Elementals are. They can do things like shift their center of gravity and teleport. They have a wide variety of abilities, while Elementals can only control elements. And then there's Necromancers, who can control death in the form of shadows. They put their magic power into a certain object. It's pretty morbid," Valkyrie explained.

"And then there are Sensitives. We're going to meet one, actually. They can see visions of the future, among other things. They're not all-knowing, but they can get glimpses. What's more, what they see is only a possibility. It can be changed." The Doctor perked up at Skulduggery's explanation.

"I'm familiar with the concept. So they view one path of time, but not all?"

"If you want to put it that way."

"So who is this Sensitive we're going to meet?"

"His name is Finbar Wrong."

"I wonder why one would choose to be called Wrong."

"I agree. I once thought of calling myself Always Right, but Skulduggery Pleasant rolled off the tongue much better. Also, it's a pun."

"Ah, yes! Skull! Very clever. And what about you, Valkyrie? Any particular inspiration for your name?" The Doctor asked.

"I get into trouble. A lot," she said simply."

"Do you like trouble?"

"Mostly."

"I like you. Skulduggery is a very lucky skeleton."

"He is."

"Would you like to go in the TARDIS with me, once this is all over?"

"Very funny, but my mentorship is a once-in-a-lifetime experience that she'd never pass up."

"It's true. What can I say? Throwing fireballs is fun." The Doctor chuckled.

"Just as well, I can't even take you with me anyway. This is a one-time trip. Once I leave, I can't come back," he said. Valkyrie looked a little let down, and Skulduggery didn't react.

"That's a shame," the detective said. He meant it.

* * *

"Skull-Man! How's tricks?" Finbar said. He got up, going to shake the skeleton's hand. He returned the handshake, and Finbar moved in for a hug.

"I thought we were shaking hands."

"I decided a hug would be better. Come on, just for old times' sake?"

"We never hugged before."

"Oh. Right. Anyway, you want a tattoo?" He directed this at Valkyrie.

"My parents would kill me, and then you."

"That's a shame. So, who's this stylish guy?" The Doctor beamed.

"Stylish, he called me! Who da man? Oh, I just said it again. I promised I'd never say that again!" He said, annoyed with himself.

"I like the bowtie," Finbar complimented.

"Alright!" Finbar went for a high-five, which the Doctor returned.

"Up high, down low, in the middle...oh, you got it," Finbar said, a little dejectedly.

"Let's try again. Up high, down low, in the middle..." The Doctor paused to give Finbar time to move his hand away.

"Too slow!" The Sensitive said happily.

"You got me there," the Doctor replied. Valkyrie coughed.

"Don't we have work to do?" She asked.

"Right. Have you seen any visions about some round robots who fire lasers at people?" The Doctor asked. Finbar thought for a good five minutes, during which Skulduggery checked his watch again, forgetting he didn't have one.

"Oh, right! I did see some crazy robot thing shoot, uh...who's that lady with the sword again? The one in leather?" Finbar asked.

"Tanith Low. Why didn't you tell us sooner?" Skulduggery asked urgently.

"Sorry, Skull-Man. I thought it was a dream. It's hard to tell them apart, sometimes."

"Did you see where it happened?"

"Uh...there was an alley and some sort of pub. That's all I know." Skulduggery turned around.

"Wait, Skull-Man? Don't you want to meet Sharon?"

"Sorry, I don't have time."

"Well, try to visit more often. She'd be happy to see you."

"Does she even know me?"

"Nope. But she probably would be. I know I'm happy to see you."

"That's nice."

"Stay out of trouble! Figuratively, of course." Finbar warned. Valkyrie waved, and the Doctor gave him two quick pecks on the cheek before leaving.

"How would we figuratively stay out of trouble?" He asked.

"Poorly," Valkyrie said happily."

* * *

Tanith was walking to the pub, determined to blow off some steam after having to fight a crazy, four-armed therapist who kept asking her about her family issues. Of course, he got arrested, but she had half a mind to stab him on the spot. As she walked, she heard a strange metallic voice. It spoke one word, and one word only.

"Exterminate!"

* * *

**TO BE CONTINUED! DUH DUH DUH!**


	4. A Low Blow

Tanith considered what she should do. It was night, and she wanted to have a few drinks. On the other hand, someone saying exterminate wasn't exactly nice, either. Maybe it was some sort of joke. Maybe she was overreacting. But Tanith doubted it. That voice wasn't human.

"You just have to do the right thing, don't you?" she muttered jokingly to herself, running to the alley. She flipped in, looking dramatic, when she saw the silliest thing she'd ever seen in her life.

* * *

Finbar hadn't said what time it was when Tanith was attacked, but Skulduggery and the others agreed it was at night, possibly this very night. And he couldn't afford to take the chance that he was wrong. They piled into the Bentley and the detective drove off, intent on checking every bar he knew. It was a poorly-formed plan, but it was all he had time for.

"Not one of my better ideas..." Skulduggery said to himself.

"Excuse me?" He looked at Valkyrie.

"I said that this is a great idea."

"Sure you did." He kept driving and she smiled grimly. Meanwhile, the Doctor played with his sonic screwdriver. The light flashed on, but aside from 4 prong-like attachments on the side flipping up, nothing seemed to happen. Valkyrie, eager to alleviate some of the tension, asked him about his contraption.

"You never told us what that was."

"A sonic screwdriver."

"A what?"

"It does stuff."

"Is that the only explanation I'm gonna get?"

"Yes." The Doctor said grimly. He was scanning nothing in particular, occasionally hitting the screwdriver in an effort to get it working.

"What are you scanning for?" Valkyrie asked.

"The Dalek ship. They must have come here by ship, the same way I did. If I can find them, I can put this case away for good and send them back...but I can't seem to get any readings. I can't even find any Daleks."

"Then this plan better work," Valkyrie said, mainly to Skulduggery. The skeleton said nothing. They had passed one bar already, and saw nothing. Time was ticking, and Tanith was in danger.

* * *

Tanith Low was facing the silliest opponent in her life. It was a round robot with a flat bottom. It had egg-like attachments on its shell and had two arms. One looked like a toilet plunger, and the other seemed to be some sort of gun. It also had a probe-like tube sticking from its head, and was bright yellow. It was almost as ugly as Skulduggery's Canary Car. The swordswoman laughed at the silly robot.

"Why are you laughing?! Daleks have no concept of humor!" The robot said forcefully. It had a rather annoying voice.

"Sorry, sorry, but you look ridiculous. I take it you're a...uh, Dalek?"

"Yes! I am part of the supreme Dalek race!"

"That's some ego you got there, buddy."

"The Dalek have no concept of ego! We only speak the truth!"

"Wow. That really is some ego. Mind telling me what you want?"

"I want to kill you, foolish human!" A laser blast flew past Tanith. She dodged just in time.

"Hey, uh...don't draw attention from the locals. They're not very happy when their down time gets interrupted, and neither am I. So, let's make this quick."

"Agreed! You shall die swiftly!" Another laser fired, and Tanith shifter her center of gravity, as she had the ability to do. However, instead of running up the wall of the alley, she found herself floating in midair.

"You are now an easy target!" The Dalek shouted. She was surprised, but recovered in time to drop herself to the ground. A laser whizzed over her head.

"Good thing most people are too drunk to even care about random lasers flying out of alleyways..." Tanith muttered. She ran head-on towards the Dalek, and it fired another laser. She rolled under it and slashed. Her sword bounced off of the Dalek's shell, and it lowered its gun-arm at her.

"Yeah, this isn't good," she sighed, and dashed behind the Dalek. She then tried slashing its gun-arm, but her sword bounced off again. She then aimed for the toilet plunger-like attachment, and was met with failure.

"I guess trying to cut off your probe thing would be a waste of time, huh?"

"The Dalek cannot be harmed by human weaponry! Prepare to meet your doom!" The robot shouted. Tanith was getting annoyed. She was too fast for the Dalek, but it was too strong for her. She couldn't run and risk innocent (to some extent) people getting hurt. All Tanith could do was call someone she knew would be able to help. As she ran away from the lasers, she grabbed her phone.

"Hey, Skulduggery? I need a favor."

* * *

"Who's calling? Valkyrie asked.

"Tanith. She told me where she is."

"What's going on?"

"She's fighting the Dalek." Skulduggery drove off without another word. He was lucky that it was the dead of night. Most people were too drunk or too busy to drive, although the former didn't stop people from getting into their cars and getting arrested. As such, he had a very empty road, and was able to go very, very fast. The Doctor was thrilled.

"Geronimo!" He shouted. Valkyrie was less excited.

"The next time you meditate, I'm stealing your head!"

"It's not really meditating. Also, I don't think you will," Skulduggery replied. After a few more angry exchanges, the driving became silent, save for the engine, the screeching wheels, and the hum of the sonic screwdriver.

* * *

"Hello, Dalek." Those two words evoked anger in any Dalek, anger they had nursed for many, many years. Those were the two words that the Doctor spoke, forcing the yellow killing machine to turn from Tanith and face its worst enemy.

"Target identified as the Doctor! Exterminate! Exterminate!"

"Nice to see you too, dear."

"Exterminate the Doctor!"

"That's gotten quite old. Why don't you have a go at someone else?"

"It's been trying to kill me for a solid half-hour. I'm glad he's focusing on you now," Tanith said.

"Fair enough. Tanith, you can shift your center of gravity, right?"

"I guess Skulduggery and Val told you all about me. I hope what they said was flattering."

"I said you weren't a handsome skeleton detective," Skulduggery replied. Tanith grinned.

"I'm way better than handsome. Don't you agree, Val?"

"I think I do, at least compared to Skulduggery. The fact that you're not a skeleton really helps."

"I beg to differ. I pull of the skeleton look startlingly well."

"Exterminate the Doctor!" The Dalek fired a laser at the Doctor. Skulduggery used air to pull him out of the line of fire. He laughed.

"That was exhilarating! Can you fly with that?"

"Sadly, I can't. I don't think anyone can."

"That's a shame. Anyway, Tanith. Have you tried using your magic?"

"Yeah, but I ended up floating in the air."

"Brilliant! Now, I know this is new for you, but I can help you defeat this Dalek. First of all...how would one make air push something downwards?" Skulduggery caught onto the Doctor's plan easily.

"Tanith, concentrate on the gravity around the Dalek. Feel it in your hands. Grip it, if you have to." Tanith nodded, and made a weird face. Valkyrie laughed.

"That's your focusing face?"

"Shut up, Val. I'm trying my best here," Tanith replied.

"Now push your arms down as if you're lowering a heavy object onto the Dalek. Like some sort of car. Not the Bentley."

"The Canary Car, then?"

"That idea doesn't sit well with me. How about your motorbike?"

"The Canary Car it is." And with that, Tanith brought her arms down and the Dalek found itself falling onto its side. The pressure of gravity was pushing it down.

"What is this?!"

"When the TARDIS landed, its energy mixed with the magic energy of this world. Therefore, all mages now have enhanced capabilites. Shame you didn't figure it out. Now, keep holding it down." The Doctor walked menacingly over to the Dalek.

"Doctor! What are you doing?!"

"Taking a peek at your memories," he said. He put the sonic screwdriver to the Dalek's head and scanned. As he scanned, he frowned, and as he frowned, he scowled. His expression worsened the more he knew, and when he was done, he deactivated the Dalek.

"The Dalek shouldn't be going anywhere for a while. Now, does anyone know a Nefarian Serpine? Or possibly a book of names? Because the Daleks and this Serpine fellow plan to steal it from somewhere called the Sanctuary." Valkyrie and Tanith looked shocked, but Skulduggery didn't react at all.

"Serpine should be dead," the skeleton muttered.

"He should. Skulduggery killed him. What's more, he killed Skulduggery," Tanith explained.

"He did? That reminds me...how old are you?" Skulduggery answered the question simply.

"Over 400."

"That's fairly young. Younger than I thought. I'm over 1000, by the way." Skulduggery, if he had facial muscles, would have looked rather annoyed.

"You'd better not keep one-upping me like that."

"I won't. Maybe. Probably not, but possibly maybe. Anyway, Tanith, Valkyrie, could you go over to the Sanctuary? Skulduggery and myself have something to do." Skulduggery nodded. Valkyrie shrugged, and Tanith grinned.

"Ready for a road trip?"

"If we were going anywhere but the Sanctuary, I'd say yes."

"Well, then I guess you're not. Let's go." They walked to Tanith's motorbike, and when they left, Skulduggery walked up to the Doctor.

"I know I acted like I know what's going on, but I don't. What are you trying to do?"

"You said you had people who owed you favors, right?"

"Yes...but why send those two away just to cash in some favors?"

"Because I want the element of surprise."

"So this is what not being in charge feels like."

"Yes, it's rather odd, isn't it?"

* * *

**AND THE PLOT THICKENS! THIS CHAPTER GAVE ME A BIT OF TROUBLE, BUT I GOT THROUGH IT.**


	5. The Sanctuary

Tanith and Valkyrie drove at incredible speed. Valkyrie, who was used to Tanith's motorbike by now, was still rather fazed. Tanith herself was fine.

"Do we have to go so fast?!" She shouted, having a feeling Tanith wouldn't be able to hear her.

"Absolutely!" Was the reply. She had heard. They drove the rest of the way in silence. When the two got to the Sanctuary, it was 4:00. Until she looked at the time, Valkyrie hadn't realized how tired she was, but staying up until 4:00 was a difficult thing to do, especially once one realized it. However, she pushed her fatigue aside and followed Tanith to where she heard noises. They descended the stairs and immediately found 3 Cleavers lying dead. Walking away from their dead bodies was none other than Nefarian Serpine himself.

"So Skulduggery couldn't even be bothered to see me himself, and instead sent his pet and...you," he said to Tanith.

"I'm going to burn your flesh off for that one," Valkyrie snarled. Tanith said nothing.

"I know, I know. I should be dead, right? But that's not the case, so just treat me as you would normally."

"Like a madman?" Tanith asked.

"Exactly. Cleaver, deal with them. I have an appointment with the Book of Names. And it might be nice to pay Thurid Guild a visit. I hear he's the new Grand Mage, as well as the only Grand Mage. I never liked him."

"Cleaver? The Doctor said the Daleks were attacking the Sanctuary."

"Daleks aren't suited for such delicate work. As such, I brought the White Cleaver with me. As I understand it, he and you are old friends," Serpine said to Tanith, who growled.

"Dammit."

"Yes, we knew the Doctor scanned the Dalek's memory. We decided to then switch things up a little. So, I wonder who wants to die first?" Serpine said, walking away. Valkyrie hurled a fireball at him, but the Cleaver intercepted the blow. It exploded harmlessly on his robe.

"I'll distract him. You go after Serpine. Make sure not to let him see you. That hand...who knows what it can do now," Tanith warned. Valkyrie nodded, waiting until Serpine had gotten a fair distance away before running. The Cleaver tried to attack her, but Tanith used the gravity trick Skulduggery showed her. It did nothing, but it did distract the Cleaver. She had time to run at it and slash. He blocked, and she went in low with her sword. The Cleaver moved his scythe down to block the blow, and Tanith ran her sword up the scythe, pushing it aside. She kicked the Cleaver and he staggered, but then he stuck his scythe in the ground and used his momentum to swing on it like a pole. His foot came crashing into Tanith's face, and she flew back into the wall. She got up and grinned. Now this was a fight. She'd fought very few opponents of his level of skill who didn't use magic of some sort. Now she could, and would, really let loose.

"Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough."

* * *

Valkyrie hid behind walls and followed Serpine, using the air to sense his movements. It was something she could never have done had her magic powers not been enhanced. He was going to where the book was normally kept, before he stole it and it was destroyed. She followed him, making sure to never get in his line of sight, and also making sure not to have him in hers. She sensed other figures, most likely Cleavers, run towards Serpine, but they died quickly. In fact, she soon found 5 dead bodies litter the floor. She also sensed another figure, but it seemed to be hiding. She had no idea who it was, until a fireball came hurtling towards Serpine. He deflected it, and Valkyrie took the chance to displace the air. Serpine was sent flying into a wall, and he crashed with a resounding thud.

"Guild," he snarled.

"Don't try anything with that hand of yours," Thurid Guild said, using air to push his hand against the wall. Serpine summoned purple vapor to knock Guild off his feet, but Valkyrie used air to waft the vapor away.

"You," both men said with distaste.

"A little respect here would be great. I did just save your life. Twice," she said to Guild, not bothering to address Serpine.

"I want to know why this man is still alive, and why you are following him!" Guild shouted.

"You should really be asking why you're so powerful. That fireball staggered me. It shouldn't have. Valkyrie also seems to possess a high amount of control over the air, something she shouldn't possess with only two years of training." Guild was intrigued.

"For some reason, all mages have increased magical capabilities. Like me, for instance." Vapor swirled around Valkyrie and threw her into Guild. Serpine got up, not even needing to move to summon the vapor. It was also stronger than usual. Guild pushed at it with the air, but it darted through, unharmed, and knocked the Grand Mage off his feet. Valkyrie summoned two fireballs, and, out of curiosity, pushed them together, creating a large orb of swirling flames. She threw it at Serpine, who deflected it. Or, at least he tried to. The flames exploded and the force of the impact sent him flying into the wall, in the same spot she'd shot him into last time. He crashed through, and Guild used air to pull him back. He then summoned a flame in his hand and as Serpine flew towards him, he punched him in the face with it. Seprine was sent slamming into the ground. Bones broke and black blood spilled. However, he wasn't done. Far from it. He flexed his fingers, and Guild's neck began to tighten. He gagged and moaned, but it was as if he was being choked. Valkyrie sent a fireball at Serpine, but the vapor caught it and threw it back at her. She ducked just in time.

"You have no idea what's going on here, what I have at my disposal. I know why mages have increased strength. I know why the Doctor is here. I know what you fail to realize, and I will kill you. The I will kill the girl, and then I will bring back the Dark Gods and destroy this world and all the others. You can do nothing to stop me. Nothing." And with that, the vapor slammed into Valkyrie head-on.

* * *

Tanith was in a tough spot. The Cleaver spun his scythe like a baton, and she could only block. He was pushing her up the stairs, and she had to duck to go low enough to block his strikes. He raised his scythe and brought it down over her back, but she moved out of the way and it slammed into the stairs. She kicked her knee into him, but he twirled and she flew past him. He knocked the butt of his scythe into her stomach and she gasped. Her hand flew clumsily to the Cleaver's face and he caught it, crushing her bones. She screamed and kicked at his arm, which jolted back. She was let go and nursed her hand, glad nothing was too badly broken. She slashed at the Cleaver and he blocked, but then she flipped and kicked her feet into his face. She rolled down the stairs painfully and waited. He jumped down and slashed in an arc to one side. She rolled under it and he slashed again. She flipped over the slash and landed next to him, slicing her own weapon. He ducked and tried to take out her legs, but she vaulted over him and grabbed his head, pulling him back. He grabbed her hand, but she slid through his grip and twirled around his body like a snake, eventually getting low enough to trip him. He fell and rolled, and she was right behind him. She cut and he blocked, and then she twirled in midair and kicked at him. He ducked and she landed behind the Cleaver, slashing again. She was gaining the advantage, having switched her predicament around very quickly.

"Feeling the heat?" She asked arrogantly, jamming her elbow into his face. He staggered and swung his scythe. It cracked into her jaw and she flew up, flipping in midair. As she landed, he used the scythe to fall back and do a handspring off of, bringing it into the air with him. He landed and twirled his weapon fiercely. She then charged, and made her first big mistake. He ducked under her thrust and punched her in the stomach. She made a gagging noise and tried to cut down. He twirled away and grabbed her jacket, throwing her back. She slammed into the stairs and groaned. The Cleaver ran towards her and she raised her sword to block, but his cut was a feint. He flipped over her and turned around in midair, bringing his scythe down on her stomach. She rolled, however, and the blade merely cut her side. She grunted and kicked at his leg, and he buckled. She then slashed her blade across his chest, cutting almost the whole way through. She stepped back, her arrogance gone. Blood spilled from the wound, but it was sealed up quickly. She gritted her teeth and backed away, trying to avoid the deadly spinning scythe. However, she didn't have to evade much longer. A pot was hurled towards the Cleaver and he batted it away.

"Hello, Tanith! Skulduggery sends his sincere wishes that you don't die." The Doctor strode down the stairs, slipping on the blood. He caught himself and straightened his bowtie.

* * *

"I'm glad to see you...but what do you expect to do against the Cleaver?" Tanith asked.

"The Cleaver?"

"This thing. He's a killing machine. He's got skills like mine, and I can't even kill him. Any wounds I give him will heal up right away. It's annoying, but all good fights are."

"How? How does he...not die? Is he like Skulduggery?"

"No, he's been injected with a strange substance-y thing that gives him regeneration powers and makes him work with Serpine. Normally, Cleavers like him are on our side. They're still creepy, though." The Doctor pondered over this for a few seconds until the Cleaver jumped into action. He charged at the Doctor, but Tanith hurled her sword at him. He dodged, and she threw her scabbard at him. He knocked it away, and she ran to it, using her foot to flip it into her hand. She whacked at his head and he ducked, and she flipped over him, running to her sword. She grabbed it and stood in front of the Doctor, who was lost in thought.

"Substance-y thing...injected...hmm...Tanith, I'll need some time. Distract him without getting killed, if that's not too much trouble." She smiled.

"None at all," she said. The Doctor thought as she attacked. He knew there had to be some way to get the strange substance out of the Cleaver's system, but he didn't have time for it. He considered scanning it with the sonic screwdriver, but had a feeling it would only tell him what it was, and seeing as how he had nothing, that wouldn't be much help. Tanith clashed blades with the Cleaver, and the Doctor admired her skill, despite not being a fighter. She knew how to use the sword.

"Say, how long have you been using the sword?"

"Most of my life." She punched the Cleaver in the face and cursed, knowing she shouldn't have used her knuckles.

"And that would be?"

"Around 90 years." The Doctor smiled.

"90? No one's as old as they seem. How old is Valkyrie?"

"14." Tanith grunted as the Cleaver knocked his scythe into her.

"Well, no one except her. But I guess using magic kind of offsets the mundane, doesn't it?" The Doctor mused. She flipped and dove under and over scythe slices, and while she was getting annoyed and tired, the Cleaver had no such feelings. As he clanged his scythe against Tanith's sword, the Doctor had an idea.

"I've got it! I always get it, don't I? I'm quite good at that. Anyway...geronimo!" He held out his hand and breathed deeply. Suddenly, gold dust flew out. Tanith looked as the dust wafted and drifted through the air, as if it was dancing. It was like a wave, moving constantly. It swirled like flame but gently flowed like water. It was one of the most beautiful things she'd ever seen. The dust flew to the Cleaver, and it floated inside his hood. He fell to his knees and dropped his scythe. The Doctor grinned and the Cleaver fell to the ground, laying flat on his stomach.

"What was that? Exactly what was that? It was...brilliant."

"It was regeneration energy. I can regenerate when I die, taking on a new form and somewhat changed personality, although I never completely change. A few quirks get added in, but no matter who I become, I'm still the same Doctor."

"Wait...so you can take a new form when you die?"

"I can. And it isn't limited to a man, either! I thought I was a woman once, actually. I wonder when I'll become one? Anyway, there are, in fact, cases where regeneration doesn't work, or someone stops it, or, well, the list goes on. It also heals injuries and removes unwanted viruses and infections, hence the Cleaver. He should be back to normal, whatever that is. Now, enough talk. Where's Valkyrie?"

"She went after Serpine."

"Well, that's silly. Skulduggery told me about his hand."

"Val's a silly person."

"She is, isn't she? I love silly. I'm silly myself. You're silly, too."

"That I am."

"Oh, the world would be so dull without silly!"

* * *

Serpine had gone. Valkyrie saved Guild, but Serpine had left. The stubborn Grand Mage refused to thank or even acknowledge her. He didn't even ask questions about why she was at the Sanctuary, but she supposed that was his way of thanks. He simply sat there with her. They knew it was useless to call Cleavers to attack him, they'd only end up dead. Valkyrie was too stunned by her injuries to even tell where Serpine was, and he'd probably already found the book and maybe even left. She'd failed, and it felt terrible. The only way things could get worse was if Tanith had been defeated. However, judging from the woman who rushed into the room, looking perfectly fine, Valkyrie knew she hadn't.

"How'd you beat him?"

"The Doctor used some sort of energy to cure him. He's with us now," she said, pointing to the white-cloaked figure behind Valkyrie. The Doctor was busy staring at him.

"Interesting...Valkyrie, do you need patching up?"

"I'm fine...I just need some time to recover."

"I take it he got away."

"He's strong...a lot stronger than I thought. I can't believe we let him escape!"

"We?"

"The Grand Mage and I. I'll explain who he is later, but right now we need to form a plan."

* * *

**THINGS ARE LOOKING BAD FOR OUR HEROES, BUT WHERE IS SKULDUGGERY? PROBABLY CLEANING HIS GUN OR SOMETHING. ANYWAY, I THINK THINGS ARE ALRIGHT SO FAR, BUT I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. CRITICISM IS VERY, VERY WELCOME.**


	6. Birds Of A Feather

Skulduggery had come back from whatever errand he was on. He refused to say what it was, but he didn't seem too happy with the Doctor, who simply smiled in apology. The two old men sat around with Valkyrie, thinking of a plan. Tanith was off trying to find Ghastly Bespoke, China Sorrows, Kenspeckle Grouse, and even Mr. Bliss to see if they would help stop Serpine.

"Serpine couldn't do this on his own. Doctor, you must know whoever he's working with." The Doctor looked at Skudluggery quizzically.

"And how do you figure that?"

"You looked disturbed when you read the Dalek's memory banks or whatever they're called. Since you already know of the Daleks themselves, I assume another threat must have come up, one you are familiar with." The Doctor clapped.

"Well done! Well done indeed! Yes, I do know who he's working with...and it's the worst enemy he could possibly have on his side." Valkyrie smiled.

"It can't be too bad, can it?"

"We're fighting against the embodiment of information itself." Valkyrie stopped smiling.

"That sounds bad."

"It is. There are no secrets with him. He is knowledge itself."

"Then how do we beat him?"

"I told you he has knowledge. I never said anything about understanding," the Doctor said slyly.

"Great. We'll confuse him to death."

"Valkyrie, you must look on the bright side," Skulduggery admonished.

"Which is?"

"You get to die with a handsome genius."

"Thank you," the Doctor said. Valkyrie gave both men an annoyed look, but the corners of her mouth were forming a small smile. The Doctor clapped Skulduggery on the back and left.

"Where are you off to?" Valkyrie asked. He smiled enigmatically.

"I'm off to brush up on my magic history." With that, the mysterious Time Lord left.

"Birds of a feather," Valkyrie sighed.

"Excuse me?" Skulduggery asked.

"I just said that you and the Doctor are a lot alike."

"More than you know," the detective said darkly.

"And you're keeping more secrets from me. A relationship built on secrets isn't exactly healthy, you know."

"You'll find out eventually. Besides, your respect for me more than compensates for the various lies I've told you."

"Can you go five seconds without trying to convince me that I respect you?"

"Yes, but it's not very fun."

"You're ridiculous."

"Says the girl talking with a skeleton." She smiled at his comment.

"Touche." The detective straightened his hat and got up off of the floor where they sat. He turned around, his mood switching from playful to serious.

"Valkyrie. Do you want to pay your parents a visit?"

"You do realize it's nearing 6:00, don't you? Do you have any idea how annoyed they'd be if I woke them?"

"This is serious. For the first time, we're going up against a threat we know absolutely nothing about. This isn't an enemy of our world, maybe not even our universe. We're horribly, pathetically outmatched. Do you really want to go into this fight with regrets?" Valkyrie stood up with the detective and spoke boldly.

"We have the Doctor. I trust him. I understand that you're used to being in charge, but just follow his lead for a little while. He's gotten us this far."

"...It's hard to trust someone so similar to myself."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean that I'm not who you think I am, and working with me could get you killed in a very painful way."

"That's never stopped me before." Skulduggery sighed. For the first time, he sounded old. She'd never heard him sound as weak as he did now, as if he was acting like he really was over 400 years old.

* * *

"The Doctor told me a story. He told me that he has had many, many companions. People who accompanied him, helped him. Kind of like how you help me. Without these companions, he'd have died many times, kind of like how you save me time and time again. He told me how some got to go back to their normal lives. Some lost him, but didn't die. And others did die. What intrigued me most was the second batch. Those who were lost, but happy. They were able to live their lives, but the Doctor could never see them again. He could never even visit them. They were gone from his life forever, but they were alive. That made me think about you. Because there's only one way I could possibly lose you: death. You won't get to live a normal life. You'll be in constant danger and you'll experience pain you've never imagined. You can bluff your way through some things and shrug off others, but you're still only human. The point is that you can't go back to how things were. This is your life and it will be your death. Maybe you'll die of old age. Maybe you won't be killed. But no matter what, you can't turn back. Ever since you forced your way into a partnership with me, you could never turn back. I just want you to realize what you've done. To accept any mistakes you might have made. Because if you die, I don't want you regretting your decision." Skulduggery breathed out, winded from the long, long speech. Valkyrie was listening intently. When she answered, she was angry.

"It's been two years. If I had regrets, I'd know. But I don't. This is the life I chose and the life I'll live until I'm not alive any more. You know that. So don't ever ask me that question again. Don't ever bring this up, because you're not the Doctor and I'm not your companion."

"You're right. We're partners." The skeleton walked off to the Bentley.

"Want to join me? I'm bringing the Dalek to Kenspeckle for safekeeping should it wake up." Valkyrie grinned.

"Sure."

* * *

Tanith approached the intimidating figure ahead of her. She had found him at China's library, discussing something with his sister.

"Excuse me? Mr. Bliss?" She tapped him on the shoulder. China grinned and Tanith snarled, fighting to push off her affection. It worked.

"Stop doing that," she muttered.

"I can't. It doesn't have an off switch." Mr. Bliss waited for her to finish before addressing Tanith.

"What is it?"

"It's about the Book of Names."

"I've heard of the incident."

"Skulduggery would appreciate it if both of you could help in retrieving it. And everyone else would, too. I mean, that's a given, but...yeah, that's it." Tanith finished. She was never fully at ease around Mr. Bliss and China. They were very, very dangerous individuals, and both always had an agenda.

"I've done quite enough for that man and have nothing to show for it. I'd appreciate some reward for my troubles." Tanith sighed.

"Skulduggery figured you'd say that, so he gave you something."

"What is it?"

"A chance to have the adventure of a lifetime." China clicked her tongue in annoyance.

"He tried pulling that on me last time. Tell him I'm out."

"I'll lend you aid," Mr. Bliss said. China frowned at him and went back to whatever she was doing beforehand.

"You will?" Tanith asked.

"Of course. Serpine must be stopped, and I can't trick him as I did last time. I'll trust Skulduggery and his friend."

"They'll be glad to hear that. China, are you sure you don't want in? Maybe the Doctor is feeling generous. He has something of value...hopefully."

"Skulduggery tried that one on me as well. I told you, I'm out. Anything that man has is worthless in this world." Tanith sighed and made a face before leaving. Mr. Bliss followed.

"Do they have a plan yet?"

"You know Skulduggery. He always has a plan. It's usually not good or well-thought out, generally something he pulls out of his ass. Or he would if he had one. But his plans usually work...somehow."

"And the Doctor?"

"They're a lot alike. The only difference is that the Doctor is even more secretive with his plans."

* * *

The Doctor knew where Serpine was going. The Dalek's memory had told him. He also knew that Serpine didn't have time to change locations, so a showdown would be inevitable. However, he didn't know why they wanted the Book of Names. At least, not until Skulduggery told him. The Doctor could have figured it out himself, but he wasn't a detective. He'd have taken too long to get there. And when he had been told, part of him wished he hadn't known. What they wanted the name of the Doctor. Not his given name, the name he kept secret for so long...but his true name, the name he didn't even know he had. Skulduggery had told him that everyone has three names. There's the name they are given at birth, the name the Doctor had hidden for so long. If that name was discovered, whoever had discovered it would have some degree of power over him, but nothing too extreme. There was also the taken name, the Doctor. That name protected his given name so that those who knew it could not control him with it. But what he should really worry about is is true name. When he landed on this alternate reality Ireland, Skulduggery assumed that the Doctor's true name was written in the Book of Names. If one knew his true name, they had unlimited power over him. They could get him to do anything they wanted, and that was the name that Serpine and the Great Intelligence were after. The name that not even he knew, the name he only had in this alternate world...it was yet another name he had to keep secret.

* * *

**GASP! THE PLOT, UNLIKE HENRY SPENCER'S HAIRLINE, CONTINUES TO THICKEN! (AN INTERNET COOKIE WILL BE AWARDED TO THOSE WHO GET THE REFERENCE!) ANYWAY, I'M FINDING IT HARD TO WRITE FOR SKULDUGGERY AND THE DOCTOR, AS THE TWO KEEP TRYING TO ONE-UP EACH OTHER IN A FLASHY DISPLAY OF WHO'S SMARTER. ALSO, I FEEL LIKE THE BANTER HAS GONE DOWN IN QUALITY, BUT I'M HOLDING OFF JUDGEMENT BEFORE READING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. AGAIN, REVIEWS AND CRITICISMS ARE MORE THAN WELCOME. ALSO, I'D JUST LIKE TO THANK THOSE WHO ARE FOLLOWING THE STORY SO FAR. I'D LIKE TO THANK THEM VERY, VERY, VERY** **MUCH**!** I HOPE IT'S NOT GETTING BORING!**

**UPDATE: A REVIEWER POINTED OUT SOMETHING THAT I FAILED TO MAKE CLEAR, SO I MADE THE PLOT MORE UNDERSTANDABLE FOR THOSE WHO HAVEN'T READ THE SKULDUGGERY PLEASANT SERIES AND DON'T KNOW ABOUT TRUE NAMES. THANKS FOR THE CRITICISM!**


	7. Night Of Legends

The Doctor, Skulduggery, Valkyrie, Tanith, and Ghastly Bespoke all sat in one car. The Doctor was peppering their new companion with questions.

"Why are they dissing my bowtie? Why not yours?" The Doctor asked accusingly.

"Apparently, I pull it off," Ghastly answered.

"And I don't?"

"To put it lightly, you look like an idiot," Skulduggery said complacently. The Doctor frowned.

"You're a skeleton wearing a suit."

"Correction: I'm a handsome skeleton wearing an attractive suit. And I have a hat."

"He loves his hat. Trust me, I know," Valkyrie chimed in.

"I still haven't forgiven you for that," the detective said.

"I know," his partner replied, chuckling.

"So, Ghastly...aside from looking good in bowties, but not as good as myself, what is it you do?" The scarred man looked at the Doctor.

"I'm a tailor."

"Then why were you brought here to help? You must have respectable abilities as a mage."

"I'm an Elemental and a boxer."

"Boxer?"

"My father taught me how. Sewing, I learned from my mother."

"It's the other way around, actually," Valkyrie said, annoyed. Ghastly looked at her.

"Why did you feel the need to say that?"

"Because why not?"

"Because back when I was a kid, people weren't exactly accepting of women and men doing things out of their gender boundaries," Ghastly answered.

"Thankfully, people aren't quite as stupid now, aren't they? Some are still rather closed-minded about it, but not as many. Anyway, back to you. You box, you use Elemental magic, and you sew. I, for one, am thankful to have you with us," the Doctor said.

"Thanks."

"Now, if my bowtie gets ripped up, I know who to come to."

"Just make sure you don't get ripped up with it. Stay behind us," Skulduggery said.

"Oh, I will. But if you don't mind me asking, Ghastly...what happened to your face?" Valkyrie looked at the Doctor, clearly ticked off by his intensiveness. He looked back at her.

"I'm the Doctor. I can ask whatever I want, thank you very much," he said, annoyed. Ghastly chuckled.

"My mother was jinxed before I was born, hence the scars."

"Ah. Sounds complex."

"It was." Conversation then came to a halt.

* * *

They were headed to a castle on the outskirts of town. The Doctor stared out the window, taking in the scenery. He had said he hadn't visited Ireland all that often, so it was a treat to him. Valkyrie and Ghastly waited, worried but ready. Skulduggery was simply angry. Angry that Serpine had come back, angry that the man he thought he'd killed had the gall to come back for more. But mostly, he was eager. Skulduggery felt that he could do something he hadn't been able to do last time: get proper revenge. Real revenge. Hurt Serpine every bit as much as Serpine hurt him. He would foil his plans a second time and make him writhe in pain. Some part of him knew he shouldn't. He should focus on the task at hand. But, despite what the Doctor thought, Skulduggery wasn't as much like him as he thought. Skulduggery was a much darker, much angrier man, and he'd have his revenge. Last time, he wanted to bring Serpine to justice. This time, something snapped. This time, he'd kill him. He didn't know why, but he felt compelled.

"You haven't told me everything, detective." Skulduggery looked at the Doctor.

"Excuse me?"

"All of their plans. You haven't told me why they want my name."

"I assumed you'd know."

"No you didn't. Tell me." Skulduggery looked back at him.

"Fine...trapped in a different world are dark gods known as Faceless Ones. As you might assume, they have no face. They are evil beings intent on destroying everything they come across. They fought the Ancients, the first beings to use magic. When all hope was lost, the Ancients invented a weapon, the Scepter of the Ancients, to destroy them and banish them from their world. However, they then used the Scepter to destroy themselves."

"So humanity was corrupted by the power...no surprise there," the Doctor muttered angrily.

"The last Ancient left buried the Scepter, and I suppose went to start a family, because there are those with Ancient blood alive to day. In fact, Valkyrie and her family, the Edgleys, are descendants of the Ancients. Anyway, the Faceless Ones destroyed world after world, until they found a world and were trapped there. Presumably, Serpine and the Great Intelligence want to use your true name to control you and force you to bring the Faceless Ones into our world, our reality." The Doctor thought about this. Ghastly and Valkyrie looked almost as unhappy as he did, and Skulduggery kept on looking like a skeleton.

"So they want me to bring back these Dark Gods...what I want to know now is...who worships them? All gods have followers...who would be crazy enough to worship the Faceless Ones?" He asked.

"Serpine," Skulduggery answered.

"Of course."

"So, Doctor...how do you feel about this?"

"Angry. And you?"

"Same."

"Valkyrie?"

"Annoyed." Skulduggery laughed.

"Doesn't anyone want to know how I feel?" Ghastly asked with mock neglect.

"Not really," Skulduggery replied jokingly.

"I do," Valkyrie said, playing along. The Doctor smiled.

* * *

They pulled up at the castle, staring at the dark walls and grimacing.

"So...do we sneak in, or shoot down the door and start killing things?" Skulduggery asked.

"I thought you'd know," Tanith asked.

"I do. I just want to hear what everyone else thinks so I can brag about how much better my plan is," the detective replied.

"You're impossible," she replied.

"Literally and figuratively," the Doctor added, scanning the area with his screwdriver.

"Wait...something's wrong."

"What is it, Doctor?" Mr. Bliss asked.

"Something's underground. I think the castle was a front, something the Daleks weren't told or perhaps got deleted from their memory."

"And why would that be?"

"Maybe Tanith damaged the one we got and the others are fine, I don't know. All I know is that the castle isn't their base."

"Well then how do we get underground?" As Valkyrie spoke, a man shot up from the dirt. The ground had parted for him, and he planted his feet on the ground that had cracked where he came out.

"I could help."

"Sanguine?" Skulduggery muttered.

"Aw, don't look so sad. I'm not the only one." A familiar vampire jumped out from behind the castle. Skulduggery cursed.

"Dusk."

"And don't forget me. I'm here too," a voice shot out of the darkness.

"Springheeled Jack?" Valkyrie sighed.

"Yep."

"You do realize we have Mr. Bliss here, right? You're basically screwed," Tanith said.

"Are we, though? I think you've overlooked one crucial detail, sweetheart," Sanguine said.

"And what would that be?" She asked him.

"He hasn't got any eyes!" The Doctor shouted in amazement.

"His outburst aside...well, you forgot that we've got a certain Nefarian Serpine giving the shots." And with that, a very unwelcome surprise showed itself. Serpine walked out of the castle and held up a gloved hand.

"Hello, Mr. Bliss." He took off his glove, but Mr. Bliss moved first. With a furious punch, he knocked Sanguine into the castle. He was knocked out on impact. He then got halfway to Springheeled Jack before Serpine pointed his hand at him. Mr. Bliss roared and Skukduggery fired his pistol at Serpine, but the the bullets were swept away in a purple vapor.

* * *

"Damn," Skulduggery muttered. Dusk ran at Tanith, and Ghastly took on Springheeled Jack. Skulduggery stepped up and found himself being hit by the tailor, having been thrown at him by Jack. Dusk, meanwhile, hissed as Tanith cut his arm with her sword. He flailed and she flew into Valkyrie, who used air to catch her. She threw flames at him, but he dodged and Tanith proceeded to step up to him again. Skulduggery shot at Serpine some more, and Ghastly was getting revenge on Jack by throwing him into Mr. Bliss, who was knocked away from Serpine's hand. Mr. Bliss then punched Jack and knocked him out. At this point, Skulduggery and Ghastly joined Tanith in beating up Dusk, who didn't last too long against three opponents. Serpine snarled, but found himself being tossed back by Valkyrie, who was using the wind to control him. He slammed into a wall, but used vapor to trip his opponent and recover. He then snapped his fingers and a group of Hollow Men walked out. The Doctor screamed.

"Amazing! Absolutely amazing! Gaseous, magical beings! It's a shame they have to go, but a fight's a fight." At this, Skulduggery snapped his fingers, and a group of Hollow Men exploded into flame. The rest advanced, and Ghastly and Tanith jumped in. Serpine had vanished, and the Hollow Men had their ranks very thinned. Things were going fine, even when Dusk's reinforcements showed up. Mr. Bliss ripped vampires apart, completely annihilating any who approached. His legendary strength was on display for all to see, and it didn't disappoint, even when he flew backwards and slammed into the castle. The shot would have killed a normal human, but Mr. Bliss was no normal human.

"Exterminate! Exterminate!" Tanith cursed and used her gravity powers, but found herself unable to do anything. The Daleks fired, and Skulduggery cursed. He, Valkyrie, and Ghastly used their powers to push themselves and the others into the castle, leaving Mr. Bliss to fend off the Daleks, which he did. They heard their shouting stop as he ripped them apart, and soon found him joining them.

"Serpine went this way," the Doctor said. They followed him down dark halls until he came to a strange wall, a wall that didn't look right. He pushed it and the floor descended. They fell down to a dark, metal room. And then things went a bit wrong. Up until now, the fight hadn't been so bad. They'd won their battles, and the Cleavers had stayed up to deal with the remaining Hollow Men, vampires, and arrest the three hired villains. But things always got complicated. They landed and heard a click. A strange red energy flew towards them. It was a trap.

"Dalek technology!" The Doctor cursed. Mr. Bliss quickly stepped in front of everyone else, and they all got behind him. Attempting to make a shield of sorts, the three Elementals pushed the air forward, creating a current.

"That won't work!" The Doctor shouted. Mr. Bliss was their only hope, and he wasn't big enough for all of them to hide behind.

However, Skulduggery had an idea. He stood next to Mr. Bliss, who looked at him and said nothing.

"Skulduggery!" Valkyrie shouted. And then, the energy enveloped them.

* * *

THERE'S NOT A LOT OF TALKING, I KNOW. MAYBE THAT'S A GOOD THING, MAYBE NOT. AGAIN, I'D LIKE TO HEAR OTHER THOUGHTS. WHAT'S HARD NOW IS MAKING THINGS SEEM A BIT HOPELESS FOR OUR HEROES. INCLUDING MR. BLISS IN THEIR GROUP PRESENTS A CONSIDERABLE CHALLENGE, SEEING AS HOW HE'S MR. BLISS. HOWEVER, I'VE GOT TRICKS UP MY SLEEVE FOR THE ENEMIES, AS WELL. ALSO, CONFUSED AS TO HOW THEY STOLE THE BOOK OF NAMES WITHOUT THE FIELD THAT MAKES THEM NOT WANT TO STEAL IT (FOR LACK OF A BETTER NAME) GETTING IN THE WAY? READ ON TO FIND OUT!


	8. The Anger Of A Dead Man

The energy had faded. The Doctor lay on the ground, panting heavily. Valkyrie was on her knees, and Tanith and Ghastly barely managed to stand. Mr. Bliss and Skulduggery were sprawled on the floor. Valkyrie bolted up.

"Skulduggery!" She shouted, ignoring the pain in her joints.

"He's fine, just unconscious," the Doctor said wearily, pushing himself off of the floor. He groaned. Each step hurt, but Mr. Bliss and Skulduggery took the brunt of the impact, so he and the others were relatively fine.

"Why did he do that?!"

"He had a hunch, and it payed off. But we need to go. If they have the Book of Names, they should have opened in by now. I don't know what's keeping them, but we need to hurry, because it could all be over at any second."

"Wait. Can't you use your regeneration energy on Skulduggery and Mr. Bliss?"

"No. This particular technology slows down the regeneration cells in my body. I can't do any regeneration for quite a while, I'm afraid." Valkyrie sighed.

"So if you die, you die for good."

"Yes, that's the idea."

"So it wasn't designed to kill us?"

"It wasn't designed to kill me, obviously. They need me. The rest of you, on the other hand...well, don't let your guard down," the Doctor said.

"Lovely," Tanith muttered, walking ahead. Ghastly followed, and Valkyrie walked behind them. The Doctor patted Skulduggery and Mr. Bliss on the head and ran off.

* * *

They walked through the metal room, Ghastly and Valkyrie using flames to light their path. It was white and plain, and the path was straightforward. No curves, no forks, no nothing. It was just straight ahead. The Daleks were simple in their designs, and as the Doctor had said, they were in a Dalek ship.

"This is a Dalek ship? It seems plain," Ghastly noted.

"It is. As a Dalek would say, 'Daleks have no concept of elegance,'" the Doctor said, mocking the Daleks manner of speech. Valkyrie grinned.

"So, how long are we going to have to walk before we get into some sort of trap?" Tanith asked.

"I have absolutely no idea," was the reply from the Doctor.

"Reassuring. There is going to be some sort of trap, though. Even without Mr. Bliss and Skulduggery, this is too easy," Tanith noted. Ghastly nodded uneasily.

"Keep in mind that they haven't had a long time to plan for this. They couldn't have came here too long before I did, so they haven't had time to fully make a base."

"I want to know how it got under here in the first place," Ghastly said.

"Sanguine, most likely. His abilities as an Adept are probably enhanced in some way so that he could sink an entire ship down here," Valkyrie observed.

"Clever," the Doctor praised.

"Weird."

"What's weird?"

"I'm used to being told I was too slow in putting the pieces together. Skulduggery loved to brag about how he figured it out first."

"Silly skeleton," the Doctor laughed. And that's when the trap fell.

* * *

The detective groaned as he got up with help from Mr. Bliss. They stared at the dark room, and Skulduggery snapped his fingers. Light blazed in his hands, and he looked around.

"They've left." Skulduggery sighed at Mr. Bliss' words.

"Of course they did. Well, I guess we should leave as well." Mr. Bliss confidently strode forward, followed by a more wary Skulduggery. Nothing here could kill Mr. Bliss, and he knew it. Skulduggery, on the other hand, didn't have that kind of legendary strength. The two were silent as they walked. There were no intricate designs on the walls or elaborate traps. There was just pure white metal and the occasional broken metal door. They were smoldering, and Skulduggery and Mr. Bliss knew Ghastly and Valkyrie had literally worked their magic. They weren't surprised at how little security there was. Both men knew the Daleks hadn't started killing all that long ago. They couldn't have had much time to prepare. Skulduggery clicked his fingers and brightened the flame, getting annoyed.

"Should we run?" The skeleton asked.

"Why not? There seems to be no traps, and we're both the most resilient of the group. We should be fine," was the confident answer. They began to sprint, Skulduggery overtaking Mr. Bliss. He did have the light, after all. They kept running, finding nothing unusual. Then, they came to a door. It was a door that hadn't been burnt down; it was completely intact. From beyond it, they heard the familiar sounds of battle. Mr. Bliss punched the door with a mighty blow that would have shattered it easily had it not been shielded by electricity. The legendary man flew backwards and skidded across the floor, unconscious. Skulduggery didn't have time to use the air to catch him, as he found a door sealing himself from Mr. Bliss sliding into place. He then turned around and felt a sense of dread sweep over him.

"Oh, joy." The Daleks chanted at him.

"Target identified as the detective! Exterminate the detective! Exterminate!" They had come through a rotating wall, and were ready to do battle.

* * *

The door had sealed them all in. Tanith, Ghastly, and Valkyrie all took defensive positions as they found themselves surrounded by vampires. The Doctor merely stared at them, intrigued.

"Interesting..." He muttered. One jumped at him, but Valkyrie used the wind to push it aside, slamming it into the electric door. It was fried immediately. The Doctor took a few steps back.

"Thanks for that. Keep saving me, please," he said.

"Sure thing. But why vampires? They attack indiscriminately...they don't know not to kill you," Valkyrie replied.

"Serpine and the Intelligence are relying on the fact that you'll protect me, I assume. So, even though its what they want, keep not letting me die."

"That doesn't sound too hard," Tanith said, immediately charged the vampires. Valkyrie hurled fireballs and pushed at the air, while Tanith sliced up any vampires who dared go near her and her sword. Ghastly used his boxing skills to deliver powerful blows and pull off holds. The three had very different fighting styles. One got close to Valkyrie, and she jammed her knee into the side of its leg and it hissed. She then grabbed it by the head and kneed it in the face. The vampire flew back and she burned it where it lay. Tanith was kicking off of vampires, using powerful kicks to jump from one to another, slicing as she went. She skidded on the floor and turned around, slicing a charging vampire in half. She then turned around and decapitated one as she jumped through the air, using gravity to push down one who jumped at her. It fell to the ground and she landed in front of it, ending its life. Ghastly weaved his way through groups and punched at any who got too close. He ducked and stepped around and under attacks, moving through enemies as if he was sewing an intricate design with his body. His punches were devastating, he didn't even need to use his magic. However, when the horde got too tough, he used air repulsion to knock them away from him, clearing a space. The Doctor could only watch and wait, hoping no vampires would get too close.

"Ow! Oh, that has got to hurt!" He said, cringing.

"Not the-oh, okay. It's dead," he sighed, not pleased with the violence around him. However, he had no choice. From the brief tidbits he'd been told by Valkyrie, vampires like these were better off dead.

* * *

"Daleks."

"Yes! We are the Daleks!"

"I can see. Now, do you intend to kill me?" Skulduggery asked rhetorically.

"It is regrettable, but that is our mission."

"Regrettable?" The detective asked.

"We are aware of your past, detective. We know who you are and what you have done, and we know of your admirable rage. Such divine hatred is rare among mere humans. But you are a being made of rage, a man who brought himself back from the dead so he could have his vengeance. You would make a fine Dalek."

"Yes, I suppose I could make an attractive robot. But I'd rather not."

"To extinguish such hatred is sinful...but it must be done. You shall be deleted!"

"Hatred, you say? You have no idea," Skulduggery said darkly. The Daleks fired and he used wind to push himself over their heads. He landed behind them and they turned. The skeleton briefly thought about how he could beat them, and remembered what the Doctor had said about their weakness to heat. He concentrated, but was interrupted by a hail of lasers. He rolled, using the wind to lift himself over them once again. He concentrated more, trying to feel that burning sensation in his chest, the rage and the pain and the sorrow and the regret. He channeled it into his hands, and landed. His fists were clenched and his hat had fallen over his head, making him look even more intimidating. He faced the Daleks and splayed his hands. Blue flame flickered around the Daleks.

"What is this?!"

"They say that anger is the best motivator. I don't know who 'they' are, but I can say that what they said makes sense," Skulduggery said softly. The flame exploded into flickering pillars. Flame spit from them and the Daleks were helpless to do anything as they burned. Soon, the flames faded and the Daleks were left charred and unmoving. Skulduggery looked at the door that separated him from his companions, and turned to one of the walls. He pushed the air at it, and the wall groaned as it was pushed aside. There was a small, dark passage that Skulduggery went through.

"You're next, Serpine."

* * *

The Doctor looked uneasily at the dead bodies that lay before him as the door opened. Tanith and Ghastly looked ahead, while Valkyrie stayed back with the Doctor, intent on keeping him alive. They saw Serpine standing before them in a bright metal room. On a pedestal rested the Book of Names, and next to the pedestal was a Hollow Man. Surprisingly, the Hollow Man spoke.

"Hello, Doctor." The Doctor glared at it.

"Is that...the Great Intelligence?" Valkyrie asked.

"Yes. And something's wrong. Very, very wrong." Serpine grinned, and vapor flew towards Tanith, Ghastly, and Valkyrie. It swept quickly and painfully, knocking out the already injured and tired Tanith and Ghastly. But before it reached Valkyrie, it parted. A familiar face stepped out of a small hole in the wall, raising his hand.

"Skulduggery Pleasant," Serpine said.

"I thought I was done with you," Skulduggery snarled.

* * *

**MORE STUFF IS HAPPENING! PREPARE FOR A LOT OF DIALOGUE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!**


	9. Showdown

"I'm afraid not, detective," Serpine said. Skulduggery looked at him with empty sockets. Valkyrie knew he'd be giving Serpine a death glare if he had eyes. As the detective looked at his enemy, Valkyrie eyed the Book of Names. She reached out her hand, but a glass dome shot from the ground and surrounded the pedestal and the book. Her grab at the air was meaningless.

"Do you really think we'd leave the Book of Names out in the open with multiple Elementals around? I'm the embodiment of knowledge, as the Doctor has no doubt told you. Anything you can do, I've already anticipated. Humans are so simple," the Intelligence said mockingly.

"Yes, well, that's a completely untrue statement. Not that you'd know. Anyway, I noticed a tattoo on the pedestal. Since we seem to both be stalling for time at this point, I think some friendly conversation is in order. I wonder what that tattoo is?" The Doctor asked, pointing to a small black mark on the pedestal. Upon further examination, Valkyrie noticed it as well.

"The Book of Names still has some power left. We can touch it, but we lose the will to open it when we do. It's an effect of the travel between realities, but no matter. This mark is unraveling the book's power as we speak. Soon, I will open it and find your true name, and then you will watch as you make this world burn."

"That doesn't sound very nice."

"You're no stranger to that concept, Doctor. I assume, like everyone else you've met, you haven't filled Skulduggery and Valkyrie in on your past?" The Intelligence goaded. The Doctor glared at him.

"The past doesn't matter. What matters is the present. The present in which I stop you again, and the present in which you run away as you always do."

"So you say. But there's no way to stop me, Doctor."

"I was about to say the same thing...but, you know, minus the whole Doctor part. That's me. I'm the Doctor." He grinned sheepishly. Valkyrie hurled a fireball at the dome in desperation, but it was snuffed before it met its target.

"How thick." A group of Hollow Men ran out from behind a corner and attacked Valkyrie. Summoning flame into her hand, she prepared to fight.

* * *

Skulduggery looked briefly at the dome. He knew that the only way to get the book was to stop Serpine. The Doctor knew how to deal with the Intelligence; he had before. The skeleton had dealt with his enemy as well, and he would do so again.

"So...how's tricks?" Skulduggery asked.

"Oh, they're fine. I've got many new ones. Want to see?" Serpine said, snarling. He flexed his fingers and Skulduggery roared, his bones contracting. Through the pain, he was barely able to clench his hand into a fist. He slammed it into the ground, and water droplets gathered around Serpine.

"What?!" The droplets connected and exploded. Water slammed into Serpine like a truck, and he flew back into the opposite wall. Skulduggery got up shakily.

"New tricks? You tried that on me before, Serpine. I hoped that, in this alternate reality of yours, you'd developed a little originality."

"I have," he said. He flexed his fingers again. Skulduggery used the wind to pull himself towards Serpine, whose arm suddenly expanded to inhuman size. He punched the detective as he flew, and Skulduggery groaned as he flew back and slammed into the wall. Serpine grunted; expanding the size of his arm was painful.

"Well. That's something you don't see every day."

"As I said, I've learned some new tricks." Skulduggery pulled out his gun and fired. Serpine caught the bullets in the vapor and shot them back at Skulduggery, who waved his hand. Air lifted the bullets over his head and they slammed against the wall as their velocity slowed. They fell harmlessly to the ground. He curled his hands into fists and punched. Explosions of flame burst around Serpine, who grinned as his flesh was set aflame. He waved his hand and vapor extinguished the fires. His burnt flesh healed as if time itself was reversing back to seconds earlier. Skulduggery was frustrated at not being able to get up close. He knew Serpine would only use his new trick to pummel him again. As he thought, Serpine pulled off his glove and revealed his skinless red hand.

"You know, that doesn't work on me," Skulduggery said. But seconds later, he doubled over and screamed. The hand was working. It was, somehow, affecting Skulduggery. Valkyrie looked over, ceasing to throw flames at the Hollow Men advancing towards her and the Doctor.

"Skulduggery!" She pushed the air at Serpine, and he flew backwards. The detective still lay on the ground, twitching.

"That...hurt..." He muttered. The Doctor stood between him and Valkyrie, feeling thoroughly useless.

"Ah, Valkyrie? Hollow Men behind us? You know, the things that are trying to kill you and possibly main me?" She turned at his words and pushed at the air. The Intelligence laughed, looking with anticipation at the Book of Names. Things were looking very, very bad. Serpine got up and Valkyrie looked torn. She didn't know who to protect. The Hollow Men wouldn't kill the Doctor, and Skulduggery couldn't die easily.

"Skulduggery! Do you think you and Serpine can take your fight elsewhere?" The Doctor asked. The skeleton was still lying on the ground. Valkyrie cursed and hurled more fireballs at the Hollow Men. They exploded into a sickening gas that she was very thankful not to be near. Serpine began to point his hand at Skulduggery once again, when the Doctor had a crazy idea. He ran in front of the detective.

"Doctor!"

* * *

Serpine's grin faded. The Intelligence looked on with mild interest.

"Hello, Serpine! I notice that hand thing of yours doesn't really work on Time Lords. Shame. Anyway, it looks like I'll just be standing here until you decide to put that hand of yours down and surrender."

"I assume you're feigning stupidity. I have more than one hand, Doctor." He flexed his fingers and the Doctor shrieked.

"THIS SEEMED LIKE SUCH A GOOD IDEA FIVE SECONDS AGO!" He cried out, doubling over. His bones expanded and contracted, and his eyes stung with tears. He felt like he was going to explode, as if his flesh was going to rip apart and his innards would fall out. It wasn't until a few seconds later that he realize the pain was going away. Valkyrie had pushed Serpine away with the air.

"Damn Elementals," Serpine snarled. Valkyrie grinned.

"Why does everyone always forget about me?" She asked, annoyed. However, she was about to regret that statement as the Hollow Men converged on her. She felt her face burn with pain as she skidded across the floor, having been punched. She spat about blood and looked at the Hollow Man standing over her. It prepared to crush her skull when it flew back into its comrades. Skulduggery's hand was wobbling as he held it up, pushing at the air.

"To answer your question...I think so," he said to the Doctor.

"Good. I can't think of anything brilliant to say with all of the screaming," the Doctor replied. Skulduggery looked to the corner the Hollow Men had come from.

"Great Intelligence, it was not particularly pleasant to meet you. I wouldn't like for it to happen again," he said. He used the air to push Serpine out of view and propelled himself forward. The Intelligence looked at him complacently as the Hollow Men were defeated with one last fireball from Valkyrie. She then hurled another fireball at the Intelligence himself, and he exploded into nothing. His skin burned, but nothing else happened.

"I have no physical form. I choose to take whatever appearance I wish." A Hollow Man walked out from another corner and stood next to the dome with the Book of Names inside it.

"So...back to talk," the Doctor said.

"More stalling? I really wish I knew what we were stalling for," Valkyrie said.

"Oh, hush. You'll be really impressed, I promise."

"How much is really?"

"On a scale of one to ten? Probably five. It's not the most brilliant thing I've ever thought of, but it'll do."

"That's really not comforting."

"It will be when it works."

"It had better work soon." The Intelligence smiled eerily.

"And yet you still trust him. Do you know what he's done? What he's willing to do? And, most importantly of all...what he's lost because of it?" Valkyrie snarled.

"Like any of that matters."

"It matters to the Doctor."

* * *

**LOTS MORE TALKING AND DRAMATIC REVEALING OF THE DOCTOR'S PAST TO COME, WITH A LITTLE OF SKULDUGGERY'S DRAMATIC PAST REVEAL AS WELL. I LOVE IN THE DOCTOR WHO EPISODES WHEN THE ENEMIES TALK ABOUT THE THINGS THE DOCTOR'S DONE IN AN ATTEMPT TO ANTAGONIZE HIM, SO I HOPE I DO A GOOD JOB OF CAPTURING THAT SENSE OF FOREBODING AND THE PROMISE OF LEARNING MORE ABOUT THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOCTOR. ALSO, I THINK MY BANTER'S GETTING BETTER IN QUALITY, BUT THAT'S JUST ME. **


	10. Blind

The Doctor narrowed his eyes.

"What's he talking about? Is this his trump card? Really? Without Serpine around, the Book of Names is as good as ours," Valkyrie said. The Doctor shook his head.

"No...no it's not."

"What?"

"It can't be. It's what he wants you to think, he wants you to get closer."

"And then?"

"I don't know. But I do know that he's got something planned...he always does."

"Right. The embodiment of all knowledge." The Intelligence laughed.

"Do I really have anything planned? Do you know for sure? She could simply step up to the book and destroy this form. I'd have to take another, and the Hollow Men are waiting around another corner. She could surely get the book in time."

"Well, that's not suspicious at all. I'll take my chances over here," Valkyrie said carefully. The Doctor, meanwhile, was confused. This was too easy. Far too easy. Skulduggery was dealing with Serpine, and he and Valkyrie were left alone with the Intelligence. Was this really all he had planned? It was eating at him, making him think. He had to think.

"What's wrong, Doctor?" The Intelligence asked scathingly.

"I don't understand. What am I missing?! Why is it this easy?! It's never this easy! Never!"

"Complex minds fail to understand simplicity, Doctor. And your mind is more complex than most. Over a thousand years of knowledge and experiences. Nothing's ever been simple for you, has it? For one who deals with time and space, simplicity is a foreign concept. A mind such as yours can only understand complexity. The greatest way to confuse someone who thrives on solving the most complex of problems is to present them with a problem that is so utterly simple. Do you take the Book, Doctor? Or do you wait?" The Doctor's expression grew from angry to furious. Valkyrie looked at him, and then back to the book.

"But you, Valkyrie, are much less predictable. You are a simple human, who expects simple problems, and the solution for dealing with you is the exact opposite as the solution to dealing with the Doctor." As he spoke Valkyrie and the Doctor heard a scream.

"Skulduggery!" She shouted.

* * *

The skeleton flew back into the room on a trail of purple vapor. Serpine laughed.

"I don't understand! Why don't I understand!" The Doctor wailed. Everything seemed so cut and dry, but he couldn't believe it was all that simple. For him, there were always hidden layers, more complexities, more mysteriousness underneath the mysteries he'd seen and solved.

"Doctor," the Intelligence said, snapping the Time Lord out of his thoughts.

"Do you know what we intend to do with the Faceless Ones?" He asked. The Doctor glared at him. Valkyrie clenched her fists and fired a flaming punch at Serpine. Purple vapor absorbed the blow, the explosion of flame being muffled by it. Skulduggery took the opportunity to get up and tackle Serpine to the ground. Valkyrie shot past the Intelligence, using the air to push herself, eager to help take down Serpine. She used air to clamp Serpine's hands at his sides as Skulduggery punched him again and again. The Doctor looked at them and then back to the book.

"I don't get it," he mumbled.

"We intend to use the Faceless Ones to destroy this world, Doctor. Or are you still confused by the simplicity I present you with?"

"Yes. I know about your whole destroy the world scheme, but then what, I wonder? Then what?"

"We intend to destroy everything and everyone you've tried to save. You will watch as you take the Faceless Ones to planet after planet, and watch as they burn all you know and love to the ground. This shall be my revenge, Doctor. I will not only destroy everything and everyone you've worked so hard to protect, but I will make you do it. The Faceless Ones will do the dirty work, but you'll have served the entire universe up on a silver platter." The Doctor's eyes burned with fury.

"No...it won't happen. You're not the only one with a plan."

"The seal is almost completed its work. You have no chance." Behind the Intelligence, Serpine was laughing as Skulduggery delivered punch after punch. And then the Doctor saw it. Hatred. It was always about the hatred. It had always been. The hatred of a madman was the most dangerous weapon of all. The Doctor knew that well. When one succumbed to the fury within, they were a danger to everyone they loved, the everything they held dear. The Daleks worshipped it. They were blind. Blind as Skulduggery was, brutally punching his foe, driven solely by revenge and hatred and anger. He'd snapped. Everyone has their breaking point, the Intelligence found Skulduggery's.

"Skulduggery! Stop!" The Doctor shouted. Hollow Men poured from the corner. Valkyrie was caught off-guard, and found herself on the ground and at the mercy of the Hollow Men.

"You did what you had to do out of necessity. You slayed your kin, but you did so for a greater purpose. Look how much anger you have. What about Skulduggery, a man who had no greater purpose, a man who was shaped into a gear in the machine of war? How deep must his hatred be, both for his enemies and himself?" The Intelligence said arrogantly. The Doctor knew he was right. He fancied Skulduggery as someone very similar to himself, but his nature was a darker thing than the Doctor could ever have imagined.

"Skulduggery!" This is their plan! Stop it! They want you distracted!" The Doctor got no reply. The Hollow Men began to converge on him. Skulduggery kept wailing away.

"This isn't you! You're being manipulated, driven! Look at Valkyrie! Look at me! Look at Serpine! Decide, here and now, what is more important!" The Doctor cried out. Skulduggery's fist wavered.

"I'm not you. I put myself together, brought myself alive, all because I was a madman, and in more ways than one. I was angry, and I still am. Anger made me. I can't run from my demons, Doctor. I can't be like you. I could never be like you."

"You don't have to! Valkyrie is in danger, and so am I! Right now, the only one who can save the universe and all the universes beyond is you!"

"Don't you have a plan?"

"It's useless if I can't get the book!" The Hollow Men advanced on the Doctor, who found himself pinned against the wall. Valkyrie staggered back, knowing that one more blow from a Hollow Man would knock her out. Her mind was a scrambled mess. She couldn't focus on her magic. Serpine pointed his hand at Skulduggery, who, in a desperate move, turned it towards the Intelligence. The Doctor grinned.

"That won't work, skeleton," the Intelligence scoffed.

"Oh, but it did! Oh, but it has! Because Skulduggery wasn't pointing at you, was he? Oh no. it is so much more. This is brilliant! This is lovely! What a lovely, lovely man he is! Oh, this is going to hurt so much in a few seconds, but it's still absolutely brilliant! And do you know why? He was pointing it at me."

* * *

The Doctor screamed and writhed.

"NOT AGAIN! MY TWO HEARTS! FISH FINGERS AND CUSTARD! I COULD REALLY USE SOME OF THOSE!" The Intelligence snarled.

"Stop this, Serpine!"

"The damn detective-" Skulduggery silenced him with a punch to the face.

"Oh, do shut up. I'm already cheated out of revenge, so the least you could do is let me savor yet another brilliant, last-minuted plan that really shouldn't have worked in theory but ended up saving the world." The Intelligence motioned for the Hollow Men to converge on Skulduggery. He backed up, but they'd catch him eventually. He kept Serpine's hand squarely pointed at the Doctor, who was rolling on the ground and saying something about Alonzo. The pain must have been making him loopy. However, now wasn't the time to feel bad. All Skulduggery could do was wait for Valkyrie to get the Book of Names and for the Doctor's plan to work. He waited, hoping that the Doctor could hold out a little longer. He did. The case opened, the Book of Names was revealed, and in that moment, Valkyrie Cain was the only person in the entire universe who could save everything.

* * *

**OKAY, NOW THINGS ARE GETTING INTERESTING. THERE'S NOT AS MUCH TALKING ABOUT THE PASTS OF OUR TWO PROTAGONISTS, BUT I'LL GET TO THAT LATER. ALSO, ALLONS-Y, ALONZO!**


	11. Never Forget

The Intelligence was momentarily stunned, just for that instant. He was filled with rage, and it blinded him. Rage at his chance of revenge slipping away as the Doctor drew closer to death. And that moment was all that Valkyrie Cain needed. Skulduggery's plan had worked. She shot forward, having pushed herself with the air, and grabbed the Book of Names, landing and rolling towards the Doctor. Skulduggery dropped Serpine and used the air to knock him away. He then ran to his companions. The Doctor was still writhing on the ground, unsurprisingly.

"Whatever plan he had, I'd really appreciate it if said plan was put into action now," Valkyrie said nervously, as the Hollow Men converged in on the three.

"You've only bought yourself time! We still have the upper hand," the Intelligence said. However, he wasn't that confident for long. Dark shadows swirled in the air, opening like curtains to reveal the cloaked figures who controlled them. They grabbed the Doctor, Skulduggery, Valkyrie, Ghastly, and Tanith and swirled into shadows once again. Serpine roared with fury. The cloaked figures teleported short distances, so they had to continue using shadows to send them from one place to another, eventually making their way to the castle grounds again. On the ground, they saw China Sorrows. She had apparently decided to help them.

* * *

"Don't give me that look. Guild asked me to, and I don't want to get in a fight with the Grand Mage of Ireland," she said grumpily, addressing Valkyrie.

"I knew you'd come," she said.

"You know, you're sounding more like Skulduggery every day," China sighed.

"Valkyrie would like to thank you for that compliment," the detective interjected.

"Would she really?" Valkyrie replied.

"Of course." China tapped on a tattoo on her shoulder and it shimmered yellow.

"That should hold them for a while," she said.

"Thank you," Skulduggery said seriously. He grabbed the Doctor and pulled him away.

"Let's fix this," he said.

* * *

The Doctor had recovered. The TARDIS sat in the garage, in all its glory. The Necromancers, the cloaked figures who manipulated the shadows, were standing near it, as were Tanith, Ghastly, China, Valkyrie, and Skulduggery.

"That was a nice move, getting the Necromancers to help. I guess that's where you and Skulduggery were off doing while we fought the Cleaver and Serpine. How did you know we'd need them?" Tanith asked the Doctor.

"I figured I'd have to run, and Skulduggery knew the perfect people to help me do it. Creepy lot, Necromancers. I thought they'd like Skulduggery more, considering he's dead."

"So you knew what would happen?"

"Of course not," the Doctor said calmly. Ghastly sighed.

"It's like having another one of you around," he complained to the skeleton detective, who shook is head in annoyance.

"Why do people keep comparing me to the Doctor? The man wears a bowtie."

"Bowties are-"

"Yes yes yes, they're cool! I've heard it before!" Skulduggery shouted. Valkyrie laughed.

"Wait, has someone finally managed to make you mad? Like, genuinely mad?"

"Yes."

"You just don't like not being the smartest person in the room anymore."

"We're in an open garage, so it's not technically a room. See, I've already proved that I'm smarter than you, at least. Not that I needed to. So, are we going to talk about how brilliant the Doctor's plan was, or are we going to continue on with it?" Skulduggery asked testily.

"No need for jealousy. Alright, so now you just need to hit the TARDIS with everything you've got and give back her magic energy," the Doctor said.

"And why didn't we just do this at the beginning, instead of chasing after Serpine and the Intelligence?"

"Because recharging the TARDIS is going to take quite a while. They would have had the Book of Names before we'd finished."

"And what about everything that's happened?" China asked.

"It's all going to reverse. This is a paradox, an event that shouldn't have happened. Things will be the way they were before all of this, and none of you will remember me," the Doctor replied. Then, everyone fired their magic at the TARDIS and the Doctor apologized to his beloved ship.

* * *

It had been quite a long time, and Serpine and the Intelligence would have gotten to the Doctor and the others had Mr. Bliss not stopped them with help from China. Her absence set back the TARDIS charging progress, but eventually it was almost complete. The Doctor had taken naps, read books, and done a wide variety of things. Eventually, he had to close the garage, as it was becoming day. As for the magic users, it was the most strenuous task any of them had underwent. Constantly using magic was tiring them out even more than they'd already be, staying up so late, and they found themselves almost ready to pass out from exhaustion. Well, everyone except Skulduggery did. He was annoyingly chipper, often making irksome comments and generally annoying the casters. Even the Necromancers were irritated, and they were usually so composed. Just before everyone reached their breaking point, however, the TARDIS was done charging, and the Doctor bid everyone goodbye. Although, he wanted to have a private talk with Skulduggery. He led the detective into his TARDIS, and the two men talked.

"Skulduggery Pleasant. I want to tell you something, something you need to know."

"Then go ahead. I don't have all day. Well, I do, but...okay, I do. Take as long as you want."

"Then here goes. Skulduggery, I thought you were like me. I blindly believed that. But you're different. You're letting the anger and pain that comes with war consume you. You let it bring you back to life."

"Where are you going with this, Doctor?"

"I just want to remind you that you're much, much more. People seem to love recounting your darker exploits, your legends and tales of war. What people don't talk about are the smaller things, the seemingly meaningless moments which actually mean more than any war ever could. They forget that you had a family, they forget that you had a wife and children who you cared for so, so much. They forget that you saved lives as well as took them, and that you took on an apprentice named Valkyrie Cain. They will hold your past over your head and discard your present. You can't listen to them. Who they are, I don't know. General villains, I suppose. Maybe other people too. But I know that you have to hold onto the fact that you've changed, that you're not the same man you were during the war. I know you're going down a dark road and that it's too late to do anything to dissuade you from continuing to do so. But you are a man, a human being. You didn't kill Serpine. You saw through the anger. So just remember the small things, and remember that you swore a penance and made a promise. You have someone to protect and guide and even learn from yourself, and you have a past to redeem yourself for," the Doctor said, smiling weakly. Skulduggery spoke after a few seconds, and his voice was confused.

"How do you know all of this?"

"Because I know from experience that after doing something you can never redeem yourself for, you have to try and do so your entire life."

"...I wonder how you moved on," Skulduggery said simply.

"I ran away," was the even simpler reply. The two men looked at each other, and the Doctor moved in for a hug. The detective gave in and returned it.

"So, back to saving the world?" The Doctor asked.

"Of course. I wouldn't have it any other way. And you?"

"The same, except I'm saving worlds. Plural."

"I made it clear that I don't appreciate all this one-upping."

"Oh, don't worry. You'll forget it all anyway.

"Don't remind me. Goodbye, Doctor. The madman in the box."

"Goodbye, detective. The madman in the Bentley."

* * *

The Doctor had lied. There was a small instance in which he could travel back to a day before he first met Valkyrie and Skulduggery so that he could put a book in China Sorrows' library. The paradox, while it was reversed, wasn't completely gone. The Doctor had sent the Dalek ship away, but some of its energy still lingered. The timeline where the Doctor met the detective still happened in another reality, another path that this alternate world could have gone down. He put the book with the picture of himself in China's store and then left, this time for good. As he floated through the vast space before him, ready to take the Ponds on another fantastic adventure, he thought of the detective. Skulduggery Pleasant. Yes, saving the alternate world had been so easy. No one had died, nothing had been lost. It was easier than his usual escapades. However, while he had succeeded in saving the world, he had failed to save something else. Skulduggery Pleasant was the one problem the Doctor couldn't fix. He could go down his dark road and be consumed by his rage, by who he once was. The Doctor had always been able to fix things for his friends. He'd always been able to make things better, to solve their problems. But not this time. He didn't and he couldn't.

* * *

The Doctor never forgot his friend, the skeleton detective. He remembered. After all, that's what the Doctor always did.

* * *

**AND DONE! I KNOW THIS WASN'T ONE OF MY BETTER STORIES; SOME CHAPTERS WERE A LOT BETTER THAN OTHERS, AND THE STORY IS PROBABLY A BIT CONFUSING. NO ONE WAS IN ANY REAL DANGER, EITHER. I JUST WANTED SO BADLY TO DO THIS CROSSOVER. ANYWAY, I'D LOVE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM. **

**I HOPE TO DO ANOTHER DOCTOR WHO CROSSOVER WITH A FRANCHISE I LOVE. WRITING FOR 11 IS REALLY FUN!**


End file.
